“It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game!” Uh huh. Ten out to ten people polled have heard that expression. Zero out of ten believe it! The expression makes sense existentially, but it doesn’t jive with the western yardstick. Winners take the trophy, the ring, the money. Losers take the agony of defeat, the shame, and the debt. No one hits the singles scene on a Saturday night looking for a loser. No one interviews candidates for a job position hoping for less than a “winning” hire. Stats are easy to digest, easy to access and to use in the making of decisions about a person’s value. Is judging a life really that simple?
Winning is glamorous, glorious, and more importantly ephemeral. Losing too has no set anchor in perpetuity. How many “rags to riches” stories have we heard? How many “lost it all” stories follow? If we’ve spent time on top, we know it feels good. If we’ve lived long enough to feel our position threatened by time, rising challengers, or failing health, we know the true essence of being a “winner.” That essence is fleeting.
Losing is ass! It feels like the world is crashing in around us and that as the weight bears down our strength wanes. If we’ve spent time on the bottom, we know it is the shits. We feel trapped, desperate, and we question our self-worth. The human spirit, however, is a resilient force, and so most often we lift, we reach, we find the strength to rise. Most of us have had our time of doubt, our time of loss, and somehow we’ve overcome. If we’ve lived long enough to feel our circumstance changed by effort, patience and time, we know the true essence of being a “loser.” That essence is one of painful, but passing misery.
So it is that the measure of a life well lived may ultimately comes down to “how we play the game.” Of the three concepts, it is the only one that escapes the temporal trap of the ephemeral. How we play the game isn’t about moments, win or lose. It is an ethos. No one can truly count on a continuing steady state of outcome from either a “winner” or a “loser”. We can only count on those for whom we have respect based on their philosophy concerning “how to play the game.” I’ve been on top, which is fantastic. I’ve bottomed out, which is the shits. I’ve stood on the podium, then fallen to the poor house, only to rise again. The same ethics and approach lead to each more and less desirable destination. Why? Because, and I’m guessing here, that’s the game!
Trophies often become paperweights or doorstops. Failures many times lead to stories of the rise of a phoenix. These are moments in time of victory or loss are fleeting states in a short, though sometimes seemingly endless tale that will ultimately vanish with our passing. So it is that the wisdom of “it’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game,” comes into focus. Unlike winning or losing, consistency of mind, fortitude, and focus on a life well lived escape the transitory black hole of “results.” And unlike titles, these qualities cannot be taken from us. More importantly, they are ever-present, awake and alive, truly defining each of us as the people we are every moment of our lives.