Father and Son

My father and I have by no means seen things eye to eye throughout the years. One could even go as far as to say we had a rocky start, that lasted half a lifetime. That second half of a lifetime is however better than many people live to see. My father and I are of the same threads yet woven into different cloths. For that reason, we shared distance for many years. The beauty of that, as with any epic tale is that somehow we closed the space between us, we reached common ground, and became friends. We overcame.

My father, unlike many people older than us who are set in their ways, proved to be adept at psychological evolution. He has continued to grow and change through his many years. That alone is unusual, and praise worthy. I too, eventually began the process of maturation, albeit later than most. I then came to see that I too, needed to change my perspective on our relationship. We have been able to meet in the middle. We’ve come to love and appreciate one another deeply and fully.

It took a long time for me to take a hammer to the pedestal I had placed him on, to allow him to be human. Viewing our relationship from this equalized perspective did wonders. My father has become my mentor, my advisor, my confidant…my rock. When times are difficult he is there to listen, support, and offer sage advice. When times are good he is there to celebrate with me.

Not all sons have challenging beginnings with their parents. Sadly, many sons never find their way to reconciliation and fulfilling relationships with those who brought them into this world. I consider myself lucky to have journeyed this lifetime with the man I call Pops. The man who carried the torch of principal and honor. The man who showed me what it means to be a man. The man I love, and whom I am proud and grateful to know as my father.


Thankful for you

I am but a tiny grain of sand on an infinite beach, or desert maybe.  The “infinite” makes it difficult to know for sure because the old metaphor never specifically defines the roll of “an ocean” in the mix.  If we are just talking about “sand” it could be an endless Sahara Desert; makes me thirsty just thinking about it.  A beach as seen by some is the most amazing strip of Real estate in the universe.  We’ve all heard, “I could never live without the ocean nearby!”  For others it’s sand in the crack, sunburn and “It’s cool, but I’ll take the mountains!”  As for the desert, I’ve never met someone who saw this geographically threatening environment as the be all and end all of permanent residences, so for the purpose of out metaphor above I’m going with desert, ha!

Anyway, (The use of the non-word “anyways” is one of my only grammatical pet peeves. Not sure why that one stuck in my craw but when I hear it said out loud my fists involuntarily clench and I taste metal in my mouth)…So anyway, maybe we are grains of sand, whatever.  I love the fact that in that light neither we nor the things we do hold much importance.  Puts things in a humility based perspective framework right?  The funniest part about that is that if your ego is anything like mine the first words out of its loudmouth are “Bull Shit!”  Well “Whatever” to that crap too!  Despite it’s best intentions the ego is often the “desert,” wishing it were a “beach.”  

We are complex vessels of potentially self-torture inducing duality hurtling through a desert or a beach or a glass factory for all we know, and soon enough we suddenly find ourselves lacking the consciousness to wrestle with the beach/desert conundrum.  We are gone, in the blink of an eye, the same length of a blink we rode in on, and 99.9% percent of the sand grains in the universe will never even knew we had crystallized.  

Opening the cosmic door, reaching into the void and pulling back a handful of “meaning” is the greatest adventure, balancing act, magic trick, win around.  We construct lives made out of our individual interpretations of “meaning,” pure and simple.  We make them up.  Are they real?  Does any of this matter?  Prove that it doesn’t, and I’ll give you some silica.

This holiday weekend I’ve had a lot of time to think about the problems in my life.  I’ve also spent time wrapping my consciousness around my many blessings.  Life is spectacular even as I struggle with some massively disconcerting and potentially life-changing issues that are beyond my control.  Welcome back to the cosmic door, which it turns out is not unlike Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates.  We never know what we are going to get, but I do know this.  I am here now, today, stretching to stand tall in my little sand suit.  I am so grateful for my family and friends, teachers,  past loves, the grocery clerk who always smiles when I come in, the homeless man singing on his usual corner at the 2nd Ave overpass, and you my reader friends for being kind enough to accompany me on this greatest of adventures.  xo

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